self -esteem - Minorsan

What is #BadassCourage?

January 18, 2016 by Clara E Minor Leave a Comment

Every move re-educates the muscles.

Ahhhh...Courage—

It evokes pictures of some courageous and strong people we all know, or have seen in movies—I think of Braveheart, Wonder Woman, and other SuperHeroes.

The Reverend Dr Martin Luther King Jr., airline pilots (who have successfully landed an ailing aircraft full of people), and others we hear about in the news, are the ‘big’ people.

They are ones who have an impact on many. They are all ‘BadassCourageous.’ There is even a local SuperHero who saved another woman from a continued sexual attack. Here she is. And she is 15 years old.

When I think of people I know, besides our Local SuperHero mentioned above, those who come to mind are the ones who:

• decided to quit their job and go back to school

• broke off a toxic relationship

• decided to move to the other side of the World

• have opened a business solo

• went overseas alone (knowing only the English language)

• decided to get up on a stage for the first time

• presented an idea to ‘experts’

• published their first book

• decided to confront someone in power

• told her/his employer why they deserved the raise

• confronted the bully in their office (or at a school)

• moved out of a house that no longer served her/his needs

• left a relationship that was toxic

• and so many more

We have all accomplished courageous things in our lives...and not always recognized them as being courageous. Just walking into a fitness facility or a martial arts studio takes courage for so many.

What about you?

What courageous acts have you created so far in your life? Absolutely no need to be a SuperHero to have Courage. We all do courageous things all the time. Most often we see them as ‘life challenges.’ And life challenges absolutely cultivate our courage. Everyone has a story. What are your stories?

The one fear I hear the most in my line of work is the fear of going out alone. What is the true fear here? It is the fear of getting hurt by an attack, and not knowing what to do, or having the resources to be safe. It is so much easier to stay home. So we limit ourselves. We limit our life experiences. We limit our freedom. We settle for limited lives.

The fear of embarrassment and rejection, often go hand in hand. For this reason we don’t introduce ourselves at an event where we might not know very many people. Some of us won’t even go to a party alone. If we do go, we might sit in ‘our spot’ the entire night.

Or we fear getting up in front of a group of people and speaking our minds. How many times have you seen an empty dance floor…only to begin filling up after one brave soul went out there to dance (that would be me…lol. And I usually don’t wait long. When a danceable song I like comes on, I’m there).

There are so many instances whereby we allow our fears to stop us from living a full, free, and happy life. It’s easier to be mediocre, normal, let others have their way, and we settle for where we are because it is in our comfort zone.

‘Confrontation is just too hard'

We can only develop courage when we charge ahead through our fears. This is the only (and I emphasize only) way to build courage.

Learning to 'follow-through' ensures you will hit with all ya got

So now think of how you would respond if your life was in danger. Is it scary just thinking about it? Our brains all ‘think’ of what we would do. You can think it over and over, and you will end up reacting with what is in your body at the moment. You will truly never know until it happens. Being prepared is absolutely one of life's 'best practices.'

From my experience in teaching self-defense and martial arts programs these past 36 years, our bodies are the ones who will respond. Not our minds.

Courage is not in our heads. Courage is in our bodies, as are all emotions. Think of sadness. Have you ever lost a loved one? Lost a love? Lost anyone in your life whom you valued? Where do you feel the pain? In your head? I don’t think so. The pain resides in our hearts. The pain is real.

If we could do it, most of us would just pull out the pain with our hands. However, because it is energy we cannot ‘pull’ it out. Most of us simply cannot physically ‘grasp’ energy. We cannot ‘will’ it away either. (If you can, show me how please…(I want to ‘lol’ here, as I don’t think anyone will come thru with the ‘how-to’ on this one.) And what is the most common method to release that pain? Tears. Tears allow healing, as they allow the emotion to release. This is not news. We all know this.

How will courage work In confrontations?

We have three choices: Fight - Flight - Freeze. Which one will work for you? In any situation—even in a conversation with a relative, or the bully at work, or school, or someone in power, which response will your body elicit?

Gonna talk about ‘freeze’ for a sec here. When we ‘freeze’ as in paralyzing fear, or someone says something to us that makes us clam-up (and we truly didn’t want to clam-up!), how do we get out of that frozen state?

Maybe the person walked away before we could say what we really wanted to say. Then we’re left depleted, discouraged, dis-enheartened, belittled, feel like we ‘lost,’ etc. And it can easily bring tears.

What could you do to get out of the ‘freeze response?’

What in your body allows you to move this frozen energy? If you guessed ‘take a deep breath’ you are correct. Is that a thought in your brain? It could start as a ‘reminder’…”oh yeah, breathe.” However, the breathing itself is a body-response. Your deep breath clears your mind, as it allows fresh blood to flow into it with the renewed oxygen flow, thus unfreezing your body. This is another gift we were given as humans. This deep breath allows you to also relax which is the cornerstone for stress-reduction.

So now let’s look at someone physically coming at you in a threatening manner. Time and again I have asked people new to ‘quick-reaction-body-knowledge’ to show me what they would do.

I even let them know what I am going to do (how I will ‘attack’ them). Now bear in mind, I make sure that everyone is safe in this exercise—no one is getting punched out or knocked to the floor).

Time and time again, they freeze, or move in a way that would allow me to continue to overpower them or re-attack (if I was a ‘bad’ person). Even though in their heads they may have thought of what they will do, their response is quite short of what they were thinking.

Sometimes I tell them exactly how they will be confronted, then show them exactly what to do, and they still do something different. Why is this? Because that is what is in the body. That is the memory of the body—the knowledge and intelligence of the body. The body’s brilliance.

The muscles can only move with the knowledge the body contains.

Our entire lifetimes we are inputting information (emotion) into our bodies. When therapists can elicit something that was ‘deeply buried’ inside of someone, where was it buried? Our brains are only thoughts. The energy of that past experience is buried in our bodies. It comes out most readily with our tears.

So then, how do we change the response of the muscles to move in the most efficient way to be safe?

It starts with the input the nervous system receives. When physical confrontations happens, the messages are sent through the eyes into the brain’s nervous system and then into the body. In order to change how the muscles react, we must re-educate them.

This does not happen in one hour or even one day or one week. It takes hours and hours of time, depending on the severity of the response (or non-response) to re-educate the muscles.

When the muscles have this new knowledge in them, it creates a response in the brain that gives us the confidence needed to move through fear and challenges with courage. When our bodies know that we can knock out a perpetrator, the confidence rises, we become more relaxed, and we have now created what I call #BadassCourage:

• the ability to stand your ground

• centered and balanced

• speak your truth, regardless of what other people think or say about you, and regardless of the possible consequences

• find your own freedom

You fight to defend yourself, and come out on top (it may all be verbal). You are not fighting for mediocrity. Who wants to 'kind of-sort of' feel good? You are fighting within to ‘win the battle.’ You might end up with a few ‘battle scars.’ And those are good, because you fought the fight. You did it. You defended yourself. I see these as ‘Badges of Badass.’

You will find your voice when you develop your #BadassCourage. Start by collecting your own Badges of Badass.

Finding your voice allows you to make the choices that work for you (and those you love). It allows you to stand up for yourself. It allows you to speak up. Be bold. Be creative. Achieve your own freedom. And that is where you will find your happy place. It will allow you to live the life you want.

Contact me if you are interested in finding out more about your own BadassCourage (complimentary consultation), and how your life can totally change in a positive, powerful way.

Sincerely,

Clara E Minor
Master Instructor/Trainer
MINORSAN Self-Defense & Fitness

#badasscourage
#fight4YOURlife
#badgesofbadass
#selfdefense
#martialarts
#womenspower
#womensmartial arts

Self-Care Self-Love Day!

January 18, 2016 by Clara E Minor Leave a Comment

OK...this is predominantly a Ladies event! Heidi Moakler of Ruby Ribbon will be showcasing her "BraFreeForever" line of clothing that will change the way you choose your clothes! February 5, from 6:00 - 8:00 pm we are having a Special Event that will highlight Ruby Ribbon, doTerra essential oils by Katherine Hughes, and GoosesGoodies Toffee by Marci Prolo!

This is a great way to celebrate your love for you! See how wonderful you too can feel in this clothing that is phenomenal and so kind to our bodies. Feel the smoothness and silkiness of the material and how it makes you feel wearing it. After trying one on, you will probably want to purchase several. Different styles-different colors-you choose what works for you.

Essential oils help us get through so many different 'states' in our bodies, minds and souls. Find out what would benefit you immediately. And you can purchase the wonderful little handmade cloth bags made by Katherine, to store your oils. These also make great gifts for family and friends (and, of course, you!).

Marci has been running GoosesGoodies for several years. Her toffee is a family favorite that she has built into a business. Come taste the goodies and purchase a bag or two.

We'll provide something to drink. And someone will win a Gift Basket filled with all types of goodies.

It takes courage to make a change. This one should be easy. Help to activate your #badasscourage by taking one small step to make a difference for yourself (or your special person). What a great way to celebrate First Friday too and our Love Month!

See you there.

Sincerely,

Clara E Minor

Helping you cultivate your #badasscourage ...

Tabata 2-yr Anniversary Celebration Week!

December 6, 2015 by Clara E Minor Leave a Comment

Here is all the info on our Tabata 2-yr Anniversary Celebration Week. Someone will WIN a Tabata Bootcamp at 50% off! Someone will WIN a #badasscourage tank. It could be you. You’ll also have the three opportunities in one week to check out these 30-minute workouts for FREE. We’ll answer all your questions, and you can also pre-purchase a Bootcamp for use in 2016, at 2015 prices before they expire on December 31, 2015. Remember these workouts are progressive, so they are doable for almost everyone. Refreshments will be served, as well as providing free Holiday goodie recipes.

For your specific questions, call us at 831-458-0900, or contact us here.

Sincerely,

Clara & The Crew

of Team MINORSAN

Adventures of a Broken Arm

November 25, 2015 by Clara E Minor Leave a Comment

On the town on a Friday night networking, partying, dancing, eating great food (served by our very own Hedy Nochimson of Plate & Bottle), and generally having a great time at the Little Black Dress event, a fundraiser put on by Monica Karst of the Santa Cruz Socialites. Awesome event with great friends and colleagues.

Little Black Dress Antics…with Monica Karst (Santa Cruz Socialites), Leta Jusilla and Michelle Bean (both of Optimal Health and Fitness).

I left a bit early (it ended at 10:00, and I left by 9:20 pm), as I had to teach classes in the morning starting at 8:00 am. As is my usual pace (fast, and it’s great for repelling the bad guys), I walked down the driveway, and was just ready to turn left (my intuition told me to get out my small flashlight, however, my head thought it knew better and told me “Nawww, there are lots of street lights. Don’t need the flashlight,” feeling a bit like Smeagle. Not 10 seconds later, my left boot caught the embankment as I was turning, and sent my body sailing across the sidewalk and into the tire of a parked SUV. Both arms were thrown back. I did not have time to break and roll. My right arm hit the tire, and my knees acted somewhat as breaks on the concrete, as I propelled forward. In that moment I felt the right arm protruded wayyyy back, and there was a slight numbing sensation. I knew I had effed up. My brain labored that I would need surgery, and months, maybe years, of therapy. And have pain forever…I just knew it.

Got onto my hands, untouched in this fiasco, and stood up with a bit of knee pain, but still able to walk. I slowly pulled on my arm forward, and of course it was in tremendous pain, not unlike childbirth. It was bent at the elbow by design from the incident. Grabbed my purse (btw, forgot my camera somewhere there on the concrete…so if anybody turned in a Nikon, let me know…lol…yes, it got thrown too), and I walked a few hundred feet. I had to sit down. Got back up, walked a bit more, then realized I was not going to be able to drive (yeah, I was still focused on getting to my car).

Got on my phone and called a couple people who were still at the event. Of course they did not hear their phones, as they were still dancing to great music by DJ Sparkle who played the most fantastic music! (That part of the event was the most fun!) I called a couple more people, and Marica Buenafe came to my rescue. She was at Dominican ER with me until 3:15 am!!! She has more info on the comings and goings in Emergency that night…lol.

The tear my boot took…

Even though I was in pain (after 2 meds, a single shot to the (other) arm, then a double shot to same arm), I was able to quickly fall asleep, as I was by now, exhausted. My arm had a clean break (Great testimonial for the effects of BodyPump training!).

Ready to get wheeled out of ER…with a barf bag…

So here I sit, on the mend, ‘eating crow’ because I did not listen to my own intuition, and I teach this! I teach it in my martial arts classes, my self-defense classes, and I even throw it into fitness workouts! Lesson two: slow down fool…

This is a few days after…

I’m sure I’ll see lessons 3, and 4, and 5…who know how much will come out of this. So far, I am enjoying the fact that I have an awesome staff! My Crew of 19 are fabulous, capable, reliable, fantastic, totally awesome, and so #badass! They get the job done, thank you verr much! Kudos to Marcia Buenafe and Robin Ludington for their exceptional help, and to Analicia Cube, Cassandra Coraggio, Brent Rohrs, and ALL my subs and help: Sophie Calhoun, Connie Kreemer, Anika Wong (for stepping in to teach BodyPump while on vacation here!), Melissa Finsthwait, Samira Hartje, Dixie Mills, Denice Kowalski, and Bernadette Franzel. And thanks to everyone on my entire Crew: Kira Durant, Amanda Clark, Carolyn Wormhoudt, Jenna Giuliani, Jillian Chesley, Katie Landau, Alma Arquiza, and Lorna Russo. They keep the studio humming!

And btw, that night at Little Black Dress made it totally worth it!

Much Love,

Clara E Minor

Cultivating #badasscourage, and encouraging you to #fight4YOURlife!

Update on Upcoming Events

November 24, 2015 by Clara E Minor Leave a Comment

In March, 2016, as part of our self-care series, we are hosting Damsel in Defense, a woman-owned Scotts Valley business, for a Special Event, open to the public. You will get to hear all about the various goodies pictured here (and more). These are non-lethal safety implements available in various colors and sizes (yes, they have pink, black and gray). You don’t need to be a martial artist to use these!

This will be quite the interactive event. Yes, you’ll get to try out all the goodies. You’ll get an intro to self-defense too! And we’ll serve refreshments throughout. These make great gifts for your friends, and for you. Great colors too. Now you can be safe in style! (OK…just kidding, but you know what I mean). You will feel good carrying these. There is even digital protection and emergency kits. Members will get your Perkville special event points for attending.

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On December 16, Wednesday from 6:00 to 7:00 pm, we’re holding a Special Tabata Night. ALL those who just want to do the workout, as well as those who are interested in Tabata Bootcamp, are welcome! Even if you haven’t done Tabata in months, or you did one Teaser Day, or you’ve never done it! This will be a special fun night for everyone. The workout will be from 6:00 to 6:30 pm. Refreshments and schmoozing after! For anyone hooked into Perkville, yes you’ll get special event points!

Get this on your calendar!

______________________

In February, March and April, we have three Self-Care Events planned! Part 1 is scheduled for February 5, from 6:00 – 8:00 pm. See Self-Care Self-Love in February! The March event will be held March 12. Check the News tab on the website for updates as we get closer. Mark these as tentative on your calendar. Once again, Perkville special event points will accumulate for you. We’ll let you know the date of our April event soon.

As always, you can contact us through the website’s Contact page, or call 831-458-0900.

Enjoy this Holiday Season!

Clara E Minor

Randy Clifford—Martial Arts Perfection

August 19, 2015 by Clara E Minor Leave a Comment

‘Once in a Blue Moon’ just happened. Because this ‘blue moon’ happens every few years only (as it did a few weeks ago), when things in our lives happen that seem to come out of nowhere, were unexpected, or seem very random, and it seems like it will not happen again for a very long time, we refer to these events, as ‘once in a blue moon.’ These can be very good things or very difficult things.

High energy has been going full throttle. Things are moving fast. Lots of ways to go/be/do/think/react. I knew we would be faced with challenges at this particular time, and we certainly have been here in Santa Cruz.

Yes, these past few weeks have been brim full of challenges. Taking on a challenge, at least for me, is to jump in with both feet. Fully commit to finding the answer, moving in a different direction, adapting to what is in front of me. This is a principle I teach to my martial arts students. The ability to adapt is critical for their safety. I apply it in my own life too. A few weeks ago I was presented with a challenge that I have never taken on, ever (among everything else what was going on).

I was asked two days before an event to ‘officiate/present/lead’ this event. It was not a huge event. It was an emotional event.

I was honored to take this on. The event happened to be a memorial service for one of my long-ago martial arts students. His name is Randy “Randawg” Clifford. He left us at a young 62.

During the time he studied at my martial arts studio, I got to know him and his family. His joy for life, his joking, his laughter, his smile every time he walked in, were infectious. And I had to laugh with the perfectionism, as our birthdays are in September, and one day apart. I know this one very well (perfectionism, also referred to often as ‘anal retentive’).

He was meticulous in his martial arts movement, his appearance, every job he did with his roofing company (Clifford Roofing & Construction), teaching his sons how to properly wash a vehicle, keeping both his white cadillac and white Harley in meticulous condition, and the perfection of his signature BBQ sauce (Uncle Randawg’s BBQ Sauce, available locally in specialty shops).

These qualities certainly set him apart. His wife of 20 years, Veronica Clifford, his family, friends, and the Santa Cruz community will certainly miss Randy “Randawg” Clifford.

The following was presented at his memorial service.

____________________

Randall Leonard Clifford~

We are here today to celebrate the life and spirit of Randy “Randawg” Clifford, loving husband, father, grandfather and friend.

Born in Gardena, CA, Sept 21, 1952, to Patricia and Don Clifford, he passed away July 6, 2015.

He spent his early years in Southern California, working with his Uncle H.T., as a young roofer at age 14. He then attended Riverside High School, and from there was drafted into the U.S. Army, where he spent two years during the Viet Nam war. He continued in the Army Reserves for another four years.

After he was discharged from the Army, he returned to Riverside and opened his own business, Clifford Roofing & Construction. He taught his sons Lance Clifford and Ryan Clifford the trade, as well as Lorenzo Rios. To this day, Lorenzo Rios is still at it, roofing local homes in the Santa Cruz community.

Randy met his wife of 20 years, Veronica Clifford, on a blind date. Both had been reluctant to commit to this blind date, and the fourth attempt by their friends would change the rest of their lives. It was truly love at first site. That night he took her to Castagnola’s on the Santa Cruz Municipal Wharf. There he got down on one knee, sang Elvis Presley songs to her, some blues too, and, of course, embarrassed her to no end. She loved it. And she knew she had found the true love of her life.

While at their attorney’s office taking care of some legal papers, he got down on one knee, and began to propose. The attorney excused himself, however, Veronica insisted he stay, as he was already witness to this event. Randy continued, on one knee, with his proposal, sang another Elvis Presley song, then stood up, arms uplifted and simply stated, “Ta Da!” and kissed her. She said yes. This was simply Randy’s style.

They were married on Randy’s birthday, September 21, at their beautiful home in Santa Cruz. Together, they brought five children into their marriage; Randy’s two sons, Lance and Ryan, and Veronica’s three children, Katrina, Vanessa, and Patrick. Over time they would have nine grandchildren that brought so much joy to them both.

Randy was an “adventurer.” He loved to scuba dive. He and Veronica were blessed to have visited the Bahamas, Cancun, and Cozumel; to dive in Cortez and explore shipwrecks. They went diving with sharks without the cages! (The ‘crazy adventurer’ in them both.)

He also loved motor cycle riding, and when mounted on their Harley, they looked like celebrities. He took pride in his appearance, and it did not matter if he was working, or going out to a function…he was always classy! His bike was just as classy. He kept it meticulously clean.

They also found joy in the simple things; picnics they shared in a cove near their home, bbq’s in their backyard, and simple family gatherings. They included their grandchildren when ever they could, and the picnics and grilling created incredible time for them all.

Randy was very successful with his roofing company, until he had an accident while on the job, which would change everything. The business began to suffer, as Randy had to go through many surgeries to repair his broken bones. The weeks turned into months. They had to think of something to do to remedy the situation while he healed.

Veronica and Randy were a team. Together they collaborated on a new venture: they created and marketed “Uncle Randawg’s BBQ Sauce.” Randy had a love of cooking, and he was influenced greatly by his grandmother. Early in life he began making his own BBQ sauce. He would make dishes for family and friends and they always urged him to sell it. This did not happen until he and Veronica put their heads together and decided that they would give the BBQ sauce a go. Veronica had the skills and expertise to get the product to market, including researching companies who could bottle and ship it.

They went to many events promoting the product that Randy had created. At the Anaheim Convention Center in Anaheim CA, they entered the BBQ sauce, and they won the 1st place trophy and 3rd place ribbon, in two different categories. In the process, they met many celebrities, including Tiger Woods’ father, as he purchased their BBQ sauce too.

When they showed at the Carlton-Ritz in Half Moon Bay, they met Jerry Rice, had a photo-op with him, and met many of the 49er cheerleaders. Everyone seemed to love their BBQ sauce.

Randy also loved to hunt and fish. In his teen years, every year he would make trips with his Uncle H.T. and his cousin Greg Perry, to either Utah or Alaska. He always took his beloved dogs, Max and Peetie, and more recently, his dog Sugar.

He loved Uncle H.T. and Aunt Marge, from whom he learned many of the values for his life. Uncle H.T. was a perfectionist in is trade and taught many in the family, including Randy, the right way to roof. The ‘trainees’ would need to stay on the ground (sometimes right in the driveway), pounding nails in boards for many hours before being allowed to get on a roof. They had to pass Uncle H.T.’s standards—then they would be ready to ‘load’ the roofs, carrying bundles of shingles up the ladders to the roof—it is the way it was done in that period of time.

Randy was a very thoughtful man and would do the little things for people that made them know they were special. Walks with Veronica along the pier, meeting up with their friends, sending gifts to Uncle H.T. and cousin Greg (and Greg’s two kids, Shelly and Tootie), and showing up in Utah “just because.” He continued his friendship with his long-time friend, Leon. With Randy it was ‘friends forever.’

Many of us here today have felt the love, generosity and compassion that Randy shared with us. He was loved by many and will be greatly missed. RIP “Randawg.”

___________________

It was truly an honor to take on this challenge for this martial arts student, Randy “Randawg” Clifford. Rest in Eternal Peace Randy.

Clara E Minor is a Martial Arts Master Trainer and and Fitness Instructor in Santa Cruz, CA. She recently celebrated her 30-year anniversary with a martial arts business in Santa Cruz. You can contact her through her website at www.minorsan.com

Comfort in Apology

March 31, 2015 by Clara E Minor Leave a Comment

How often have you had someone do or say something to you, and you felt ‘offended’ (to use a word that is now so commonplace, it is actually used as an excuse for not dealing with our inner game.)

And what if now you feel different about that person because of what they said or did? This often happens when someone you trust, breaks trust. Irresponsibility breaks trust. Ignoring a commitment breaks trust. Betrayal breaks trust.

It happens all the time to many people. Someone you ‘thought’ was a friend betrays you. What happens to the relationship? It usually ends…sometimes after a yelling match, and sometimes through utter silence.

No further communication happens between the parties involved. No one knows what to say, or one person feels the other one should say something first, as that person was the ‘offender.’ And the other person just ‘can’t’ say anything because they either lack the tools to know what or how to say anything, or they don’t believe they are at fault. Or the same issue has come up over and over again, and one party is just tired of making full out attempts to help fix it, with no action, commitment, or effort from the other party.

What if you are the one who has committed the ‘offense.’ You might not even know you committed it. The other person did not even offer up that you did this or that. And they avoid you. And you don’t know why. Or if they did let you know what you said or did, they are not interested in listening to you. They have made their mind up that you are wrong, and there is no fixing it. What can you do? Sometimes nothing more. We call it ‘letting go.’

If apologizing is in order, without the entire story laid out, and all the pieces put on the table, the puzzle cannot come together for a complete picture of what happened. Therefore, it makes it hard for someone to apologize. And, most often, an apology is not enough anyway.

So, first communication has to happen. Then the next step in ‘the fix’ will become clearer. Then those who feel they need to hold themselves accountable (and most likely all parties will feel this way when all the puzzle pieces are laid out on the table), can hold themselves in their new truth—which probably wasn’t new at all, but now is acknowledged.

When the issue is truly lack of communication, nothing will move. People don’t suddenly wake up one morning and say, “Gee, I think I’ll call XYZ and just say let’s call it ‘water under the bridge,’ and let’s move on.” If this does happen, it is most often because one party is an enabler, and does not know how else to ‘make it all go away,’ except by saying “Oh, it’s really not that bad. Let’s just forget about it and move on.” This person doesn’t know how, or doesn’t want, to deal with the ‘ugly.’ The uncomfortable. The unknowing.

“Water under the bridge” is only truly possible after there has been some form of communication about the issue. When a situation takes place, and no one says anything, and both parties end up not talking to each other, ever, again, I’d be willing to bet this won’t happen.

So now, what if it’s you who did the offense? Are you comfortable with apologizing? Remember, just an apology does not often work very well. What else is there?

You have to be accountable. You have to take full responsibility for what you said or did, and what was created because you waited so long to say anything. This is uncomfortable. Most people just don’t want to go there. How do you do this? Sum up your courage (more about this next week). Yep, you need courage.

First you need to acknowledge what you said or did. This internal dialogue will help you in becoming a stronger person. It doesn’t feel good. Finding comfort in this process is not easy. And like anything else, when you do it over and over, it becomes easier and easier. And in there lies your newfound strength.

You must take full responsibility and stop using the words “well, it was because of xyz (extenuating circumstance).” Whenever you attempt to add an element of “why,” you are deflecting that you were truly responsible for making a decision that now turns out was detrimental to your relationship. You are still not holding yourself in full responsibility. So, muster up your courage and do this:

Step 1: Acknowledge your responsibility fully, no one, or no thing, to blame. When you take full responsibility that you did make a decision all of your own accord, you will now get the other party’s attention. It helps them get out of defensive mode. Their body often begins to relax.

Step 2: Acknowledge that your words and/or actions were detrimental to the other party, and how they affected the other party. And how it must have made them feel. And that you understand her/his reactions to your original actions/words.

Step 3: Now you offer the apology while looking at them straight in their eyes.

Step 4: Tell them what you will be doing to be sure it never happens again. (training, mentoring, counseling, therapy, etc.)

Step 5: Offer the apology again.

Then wait for the response. Here is where they might ask you why. Great time to answer (without passing the blame).

While these steps seem simple, they can still be very hard to do. Let yourself feel the ‘uncomfort’ of the process, and do it anyway. When you have completed it, a huge weight will be lifted, you will physically feel lighter, your head will feel clear, your heart can breathe better, and you will have helped mend your relationship. Now you can move on and upward. You will find comfort in your apology. Tremendous comfort.

Clara E Minor is Master Instructor/Trainer at MINORSAN Self-Defense & Fitness. She works with people who have a hard time standing up for themselves and don’t feel very good about their bodies. She helps them feel great in their bodies, feel fantastic about their bodies, and live their lives in fearlessness. You can reach her via the website contact page.

Fighting for Life-The Art of Mind

March 9, 2015 by Clara E Minor Leave a Comment

“You can’t always beat everyone with your mind, but you certainly can lose to everybody with your mind.” — Bill Kennedy

It’s another awesome quote I just heard recently. I was talking to Bill, a long-time member of MINORSAN Self-Defense & Fitness (for at least 16 years), just after KickAeroBix™ class the other day. Bill was in our Martial Arts Program years ago.

We were discussing the fight at the Staples Center last weekend, between Rhonda Rousey (Venice, CA) and Cat Zingano (Colorado), in which Rousey locked up Zingano with an arm bar (Rousey being trained in Judo primarily) in the first 14 seconds of the fight, and won by submission. They weren’t quite fighting for life, but more fighting to win (almost synonymous). They certainly were using the Art of Mind.

Bill watched the fight as it was happening. He said you could hear people in the audience, close to the microphones, making statements about the fight being over already (and it had not even begun).

It was all Rousey’s look, her intention, and her commitment to win this fight. She was 100% mentally prepared. She was physically primed (that’s the easy part). The hard part is the mental state of mind. Both fighters were at 0 losses (zero).

Several people in the audience who were up close made the comments about the fight being over already. Bill could also see her face on TV. She was totally IN. Her eyes did not leave Zingano’s. Full 100% commitment.

And then Bill made his comment quoted above. The power of our thinking and intentions cannot be overemphasized. What you think about, what you imagine, what you desire, and continue to focus on, you will achieve.

Look at our professional sporting events (football, baseball, basketball, soccer, hockey, etc). Watching these teams win/lose is always a lesson in the power of the mind. It becomes very clear when an entire team loses the mental confidence needed to win. Sometimes all it takes is one player doing one awesome move, and the confidence comes back.

Games are 90% mental, 10% physical skills. The same with fights. The same with life. You truly can win with your mind, and your mind can also cause you to lose. If your thinking isn’t in the right place, you can lose to everyone, including yourself.

So when your focus is going the other way, what will you achieve? Exactly that which you are thinking. It does not matter if it is positive, negative, adverse, happy, joy-filled, challenging, sad, overwhelming, whatever. That is what will manifest in your life. And then some people will easily reinforce it with thoughts such as ‘See, that always happens to me.’ Or, ‘I told you that would happen.’ Or, ‘I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it.’

And then the ‘give up’ part happens. We think it is not possible because, well, ‘see what happened in the past?’ ‘That didn’t work, so I won’t try it again.’ And why ‘try’ anyway?

‘Try’ is a non-committed attempt at action. It’s easy to ‘try’ to do anything. It is a way out…one foot out the door already, before you have even begun. Trying is a half-xxsed attempt…at anything.

Rhonda Rousey did not ‘try’ to win that fight. She did not ‘try’ to get Zingano into a submission. She did not ‘try’ the arm bar. She just did it. Her mind was already made up. Do you think Cat Zingano is going to ‘try’ to win her next fight? If she does, she will surely lose again. She knows she needs to up her mental game, each fight, every time. To say Zingano was disappointed is putting it mildly. Very mildly.

So next time you are thinking about ‘trying’ something, stop and check in. What are you really saying to yourself? How are you still programming your mind? If you truly want a change to happen, stop ‘trying,’ stop giving yourself an ‘out,’ stop doubting yourself, stop doing the same thing over and over. Stop listening to others. Stop letting others overpower you.

Start thinking in the ‘yes.’ Start to program yourself with everything you have, to be successful. Start to ‘yes yourself,’ every day. In fact, make it a goal for one week only. Say yes to yourself, your health, your well-being, your body, your life, every day, in every decision you make. Even say ‘yes’ in the face of your opponents. On a daily basis, you know who they are. No matter what they say to you, say ‘yes’ to what will make your life better. Be in 100%. Fight for your right to live exactly how you want to live. Do it for a week. How will your week be different?

It could be the start of something BIG…huge.

Clara E Minor is the Owner and Master Instructor/Trainer of MINORSAN Self-Defense & Fitness. She teaches and continues to develop her Martial Arts Program, is continually developing her Self-Defense Program, offers classes and a bootcamp for fitness & health-inspired people, and loves to teach people to kick butt in their lives, and go BIG.

Your Self-Worth and Value

February 2, 2015 by Clara E Minor Leave a Comment

One of my online friends (from The Netherlands) was chatting with a group of us the other day. He simply said:

“Success is something you give yourself. It is permitting yourself to be worthy.” – Taufiq de Water

(I told him I loved his quote, and I’d like to use it. He said he would be honored.)

When thinking of success, people often think of monetary/financial wealth for a measure of success. In fact, most people often equate success with financial wealth. True success has so much more to do with all aspects of a person’s life, than money alone. And who is to judge your life? Who makes the decisions about what is right or wrong for you? Do you give this control to others? Many of us do just that. We measure our own ‘success’ with what others think of us. How valid is that? Only as valid as we allow it to be. Seriously. Think about it.

When we give the control to others to measure our own success, we are locked into their reality. Everything we do, we measure against what we think they might think about us. And why are we so worried about what others think?

Ultimately, it is rejection. If they make fun of us, talk negatively about us, shun us, tell us we are stupid for thinking ‘that,’ embarrass us in front of others, tell us we didn’t do it right, and/or unfriend us, we feel rejected.

And we only feel this way because we allowed their reality to be ours.

Success is truly ‘permitting yourself to be worthy’ as my friend’s quote says. It is a deep ‘knowing’ that you are a valid human being. It is knowing that you matter to you, if no one else.

When you are constantly and consistently being treated badly at work, either micro-managed, or your ideas are always ignored, and you are made to feel ‘stupid’ for even thinking ‘that,’ why would you want to continue to work there? When people are truly unhappy at their jobs, no amount of money can make up for it. We all know of people who have quit their jobs due to unhappiness. The money becomes irrelevant. Again, it is just money. A tool for our use.

How many times have we heard of ‘millionaires’ who are unhappy. What is the point of having all the money you could possibly have, when you are still unhappy with your life, your situation, your job, your everything. Is it no wonder the financially wealthy can so easily turn to purchasing drugs and excesses in alcohol? And buy all kinds of ‘stuff?’ Of course, not all wealthy people do this. (And, yes, people who are not financially wealthy also do this.)

The point is that money will not make ‘you’ a success. It is just money. You can do successful things with money, but the money itself is not the success.

A successful human being feels good about the decisions they make. S/he feels good about making choices that not everyone will like. If you are a volunteer, making minimal wages, and you are happy doing what you do, and would have it no other way, you are successful. Some people with lots of money might look down upon you. They might think you are not worthy of their time and energy.

Who cares?! This narrow-minded point of view is a sickness. It is called arrogance. As much as we would love for people to see their own arrogance, we can only hope that one day they will do just that. We know there is no way to control it. We can only put up our own ‘safety barriers’ when we are around these people. And what are those safety barriers?—the knowledge and knowing that we are valuable and worthy, regardless of what they think.

If your personal relationships are not working, yet you have no financial worries in the world, are you successful? Is this success to you? Is all the money you have affecting the relationships? What is your part in the dysfunction of the relationships?

It might feel great driving around in that Tesla. Momentarily impressing friends makes us feel good. But feeling good about you, especially when you are alone…that is your barometer for happiness. Can you be happy alone? Can you be happy around others? Can you be in a good state of mind most all of the time? If adversity comes your way, can you work through it to find that place of comfort? Are you happy and content when things are absolutely quiet. Are you comfortable speaking your mind?

We all know people who constantly ‘vent’ their woes publicly online, telling everyone how they are feeling throughout the day, constantly, day in and day out. (Yes, we can block…lol). Rambling on and on is not going to change anything. These people are seeking validation, and they are sucking the energy out of others (those who choose to constantly respond with ‘oh poor you’ responses). They want attention. They need attention.

When you feel good about your worthiness and value, you don’t need this kind of energy. People’s good energy will just come to you.

You are the one who has to want to find tools to make changes. You and only you can change the thinking process that will allow you to change your life.

You are the one who must ask, must seek, must explore the possibilities all around you. They are there for you. We are often so blinded by what others think, that we close ourselves off to the possibilities.

What will they think? Yes, we are back to that…lol…what will others think.

If you are happy, feel good about you (self-esteem), and value yourself (self-worth), you are successful. That is the bottom line.

Get your power back. Find your success. Find your place of happiness and contentment. See your own worthiness.

~ Clara E Minor

P.S. If you’d like a plan to get you on your way, contact me. Yes, call me or send me an email. We’ll check out your possibilities. And you know moving your body will be one of them! Maybe just getting more movement into your life will work for you. Maybe learning to kick-ass will be your way. There are many paths. Learning to fight is a very powerful and strong one. More so than anything else I know or have experienced. I’ll explore all the possibilities with you, and find the best fit.