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Your Self-Worth and Value

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One of my online friends (from The Netherlands) was chatting with a group of us the other day. He simply said:

“Success is something you give yourself. It is permitting yourself to be worthy.” – Taufiq de Water

(I told him I loved his quote, and I’d like to use it. He said he would be honored.)

When thinking of success, people often think of monetary/financial wealth for a measure of success. In fact, most people often equate success with financial wealth. True success has so much more to do with all aspects of a person’s life, than money alone. And who is to judge your life? Who makes the decisions about what is right or wrong for you? Do you give this control to others? Many of us do just that. We measure our own ‘success’ with what others think of us. How valid is that? Only as valid as we allow it to be. Seriously. Think about it.

When we give the control to others to measure our own success, we are locked into their reality. Everything we do, we measure against what we think they might think about us. And why are we so worried about what others think?

Ultimately, it is rejection. If they make fun of us, talk negatively about us, shun us, tell us we are stupid for thinking ‘that,’ embarrass us in front of others, tell us we didn’t do it right, and/or unfriend us, we feel rejected.

And we only feel this way because we allowed their reality to be ours.

Success is truly ‘permitting yourself to be worthy’ as my friend’s quote says. It is a deep ‘knowing’ that you are a valid human being. It is knowing that you matter to you, if no one else.

When you are constantly and consistently being treated badly at work, either micro-managed, or your ideas are always ignored, and you are made to feel ‘stupid’ for even thinking ‘that,’ why would you want to continue to work there? When people are truly unhappy at their jobs, no amount of money can make up for it. We all know of people who have quit their jobs due to unhappiness. The money becomes irrelevant. Again, it is just money. A tool for our use.

How many times have we heard of ‘millionaires’ who are unhappy. What is the point of having all the money you could possibly have, when you are still unhappy with your life, your situation, your job, your everything. Is it no wonder the financially wealthy can so easily turn to purchasing drugs and excesses in alcohol? And buy all kinds of ‘stuff?’ Of course, not all wealthy people do this. (And, yes, people who are not financially wealthy also do this.)

The point is that money will not make ‘you’ a success. It is just money. You can do successful things with money, but the money itself is not the success.

A successful human being feels good about the decisions they make. S/he feels good about making choices that not everyone will like. If you are a volunteer, making minimal wages, and you are happy doing what you do, and would have it no other way, you are successful. Some people with lots of money might look down upon you. They might think you are not worthy of their time and energy.

Who cares?! This narrow-minded point of view is a sickness. It is called arrogance. As much as we would love for people to see their own arrogance, we can only hope that one day they will do just that. We know there is no way to control it. We can only put up our own ‘safety barriers’ when we are around these people. And what are those safety barriers?—the knowledge and knowing that we are valuable and worthy, regardless of what they think.

If your personal relationships are not working, yet you have no financial worries in the world, are you successful? Is this success to you? Is all the money you have affecting the relationships? What is your part in the dysfunction of the relationships?

It might feel great driving around in that Tesla. Momentarily impressing friends makes us feel good. But feeling good about you, especially when you are alone…that is your barometer for happiness. Can you be happy alone? Can you be happy around others? Can you be in a good state of mind most all of the time? If adversity comes your way, can you work through it to find that place of comfort? Are you happy and content when things are absolutely quiet. Are you comfortable speaking your mind?

We all know people who constantly ‘vent’ their woes publicly online, telling everyone how they are feeling throughout the day, constantly, day in and day out. (Yes, we can block…lol). Rambling on and on is not going to change anything. These people are seeking validation, and they are sucking the energy out of others (those who choose to constantly respond with ‘oh poor you’ responses). They want attention. They need attention.

When you feel good about your worthiness and value, you don’t need this kind of energy. People’s good energy will just come to you.

You are the one who has to want to find tools to make changes. You and only you can change the thinking process that will allow you to change your life.

You are the one who must ask, must seek, must explore the possibilities all around you. They are there for you. We are often so blinded by what others think, that we close ourselves off to the possibilities.

What will they think? Yes, we are back to that…lol…what will others think.

If you are happy, feel good about you (self-esteem), and value yourself (self-worth), you are successful. That is the bottom line.

Get your power back. Find your success. Find your place of happiness and contentment. See your own worthiness.

~ Clara E Minor

P.S. If you’d like a plan to get you on your way, contact me. Yes, call me or send me an email. We’ll check out your possibilities. And you know moving your body will be one of them! Maybe just getting more movement into your life will work for you. Maybe learning to kick-ass will be your way. There are many paths. Learning to fight is a very powerful and strong one. More so than anything else I know or have experienced. I’ll explore all the possibilities with you, and find the best fit.

Breaking Habits in 5 Steps:

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Yes, you can break habits in 5 steps. They might not be so easy, but they are doable. I’ve already talked about this briefly (see ‘Showing Up’ article/blog).

Ahhh. This one is a toughie. How many habits do we all have that we’d like to change/get rid of and transform into a better habit?

How in the world do you do it? It is so very hard to make the changes necessary to break a bad habit. What is the usual rant in our heads? ‘Next time. I’ll do it next time.’ Yeah, right. And next time turns into next time and turns into next time…

Believe that you can do this, and you can. Yes, believe you can.

Take these steps: (you must take all 5 steps, with number 4 being the toughest to get through…ok, maybe #1 might be a tough one too).

Step #1: Acknowledge that you have a habit you wish to change.

Without acknowledging that you have a problem habit, you have not yet reached square one. That is the first step you have to pass in order to even begin Step #2. Yes, there is an effort involved in getting past square one. First get to this acknowledgment that you have a habit you wish to change. It is the only way to begin breaking/changing/transforming it.

Step #2. Acknowledge what has gotten in your way of achieving it already.

Have you already tried breaking this habit? What were the results? How many times did you attempt it? What got in the way of achieving it every time you attempted it?

Be honest with yourself on this one. Nobody can answer this for you (they will make an attempt, and sometimes they are spot on, however, without you truly recognizing the reason for past attempts that didn’t quite work, you’ll have very little success with your next attempt.

If someone was right on target with the correct reason/s, let them know. They will have more respect for you. By acknowledging that they were correct, you are holding yourself accountable for your actions. People admire that in others. Now you’re earning admiration, respect, and building trust.

Step #3. Find some backup (support from friends/family, or some form of accountability).

If you let someone know that you are wanting to change a habit and you need assistance/support/accountability, this is the best way to do it. Ask them to partner with you on your achievement of this goal. They can only support, as the work is really on you.

Having an accountability partner can have tremendous power in the achievement of your goal. Skipping this step can severely slow down your progress. Include this step as part of the whole package to breaking a habit, (e.g. in our Tabata Bootcamps, everyone gets 8 bracelets to help them remember to drink 8 glasses of water daily. They can put them on their wrists or on their water bottle (easier to be accountable when it’s right in front of you).

Step #4. OK, now on to the hardest part of this entire process: In the middle of ‘doing it’ (your habit), STOP. The easiest way to stop is to change the environment. Take a deep breath. Get centered on your goal. Then make a change. Right then and there make another choice. Move around, get up, get out, leave, walk around, put the food away, put the potentially ‘new’ clothing item down and leave the store immediately, leave the ice cream counter before ordering, order water instead of that second drink, stop before you say ‘yes’ one more time to another commitment to someone else, put the item back on the shelf and walk away, exit out of Facebook, etc.

This is really and truly the hardest part of the process into breaking a habit. Habits are often addictions in disguise. That is when it gets really tough (when it is already an addiction—at this point you might need professional help to break your addiction). And that takes us to the second hardest part of this process:

Step #5. Repeat Step #4 over and over until you have a new habit. Yes, your last step is to continue to repeat Step #4 over and over.

Most of us will need to repeat this process over and over until we no longer need that habit, and we have transformed it into a healthier and more productive habit.

Desire, motivation, and persistence will work, as will support from your accountability partner. Keep in mind that guilt-tripping should not be included here. Allow yourself to go through the process at your own pace. If your support person guilt-trips you, let them know it is not helping you in any way. You must tell them exactly what you need from them. There should be no guilt in this entire process.

So what else does it take to make changes? You have desire at a 10 (on a scale of 1-10), you are motivated at a 10, you have resources and tools to help you (also at a 10)…now what else do you need to be persistent? Self-discipline.

What creates discipline? Some people are just naturally inclined towards self-discipline. Others…not so much. This has to do with character and personality. Some people will need to do more work than others.

Discipline will develop even more when you continually commit to achieving your goal. Take the intense desire that will help create the motivation, and pair it with persistence. When you keep on keeping’ on with the new changes you are making, you are disciplining yourself.

Change is hard. Just ‘doing it’ anyway is creating discipline. Yes, discipline is doing that which you’d rather not do in lieu of the immediate gratification you can get doing something else (e.g. choosing to go to class when you’d rather go out to dinner with friends).

You know that going to class is getting you closer to a goal you have set for yourself. That long-term goal is really important to you. If you make excuses so that you can get instant gratification instead, you are weakening your discipline, and you have slowed your progress towards your goal.Yeah, a step backwards. And that is OK. You will get stronger at this, the longer you persist. It will happen. You take this at your own pace.

Stay focused on your goals/intentions for changing the habit. Then just do it. Over and over and over.

See you on the other side of this moment…

And remember to look up~

Clara E Minor is Owner and Master/Instructor Trainer at MINORSAN Self-Defense & Fitness in Santa Cruz, CA

Fall challenges are here

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The time is here when we are the most challenged to continue with our routines of getting our bodies to move. The natural inclination is towards staying inside, and doing very little activity, as it gets darker earlier and earlier.

Keep in mind that although this is ‘natural’ for us to want to stay in as the months get cooler and and days shorter, our lifestyles do not benefit from this as much as they did in ancestral days.

What happens when you stay inside a lot (besides losing extra fresh air)? We tend to not move very much, and we end up eating more than our bodies need. We are not living in caves, scavenging for food, and warding off the enemy or wild animals. Most of us are in our cozy and warm homes, replete with climate control, a warm bed, carpeting (for many), hot showers, and a kitchen replete with food, thus, making it easier to stay put.

On top of that, we will, in the next few months, be challenged with all the ‘goodies’ that will be floating around in our work spaces. The justification for eating these foods is that they are ‘holiday’ foods. And we only get this particular holiday once per year. And everyone else is eating this stuff. And I don’t want to make anyone feel like I don’t want their special dish. And, well, I just love this stuff, and I just don’t want the kids eating all this candy, and everyone else is enjoying it, and on and on. A little is OK…a lot, maybe not so much.

Although tempting, we need to focus on what this will do over the next few months, if we are attempting to stay healthy and fit. Yes, we get out to go to work, shop, etc. However, none of that is moving our bodies with any amount of vigor or intensity. We are becoming sedentary. And a sedentary body can, so much easier, get the ‘blahs.’ A sedentary body will begin to feel less and less vibrant. You will begin to set yourself up for all the illnesses and sicknesses that can affect your body when it is not in optimal health.

How you deal with this depends on your priorities. If you have worked hard to get to where you are now, and you like where you are, why would you want to sabotage this?

How can you balance this? First of all, continue with your workout regimen. Whether you are doing the martial arts or a fitness routine, continue, even through all the things that can pull you away. Make ‘you’ a priority. Other things can wait until you are finished with your workout. Set your own boundaries before you make plans with others, or go to an event. Let your family and friends know that your workouts are really necessary for your own sanity and health. Ask them to support you in this by avoiding all the guilt-tripping they can throw on you.

Choose wisely what you eat. You can still enjoy holiday foods, however, you don’t need two or three of one particular food. One small serving will still allow you to ‘taste’ the food, socialize, and give praise to the cook/baker, thus allowing you to enjoy the event, and leave feeling ‘full’ of the energy you collected from all the people at the event. You will feel less deprived when you have allowed yourself a ‘taste’ of whatever, and taken in more energy from those present. Make the event, and socializing, more important than the food. Celebrate the relationships!

You can also eat before you go to the event, thus reducing the justification that you are starving. Drink plenty of water too. This helps with the feeling of fullness, and you will have less of a need to “fill” your stomach.

Along with the abundance of food available 24/7, we also tend to not want to get out to move our bodies at this time of year. How do you combat feeling unmotivated to move your body rigorously? You set an intention for yourself. What will be the intention, and how much time will you give yourself to achieve that intention? If it is just to continue to work out on a regular basis, you know what to do. If it is to get more fitness in your body, you know what to do. (That is why we are here.)

You are in charge. Every day. Choose wisely.

Clara E Minor

Welcome to MINORSAN Self-Defense & Fitness

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Welcome Indeed! So glad to have a new website that actually works! Thank you to my team at CyberSpaceToYourPlace.com for their excellent work.

Check out the site, and then absolutely give us your feedback. You can do so simply by going to the Contact page. Would love all input. We want to be sure your visit to our website is productive for you. Let us know what’s up!

As we approach the end of the Summer season (unless Mother Nature extends it as she often does in these parts), thoughts often turn to Fall, and of course, that brings with it our holidays. Even though we don’t want to think about it, it will be here sooner than we think. And once again, that will bring that most challenging time of the year (in many different ways).

There are all the holidays, and the ‘busy-ness’ they bring into our lives (or more accurately, that we bring into our lives). We do have control over what we do during this time of the year. How much of ourselves we want to give to others. How much we can actually do productively. Easy to burn out. Easy to get overwhelmed. Keep your focus on what works for your life: your schedule, your energy, your time, your everything. Stay focused on caring for those you love, and for yourself. You have to matter to you. You have to take care of you.

One of the things I hear often during this time of year, is that people get depressed. It happens to a lot of people during this time of year, more than any other season. It is the time for beginning to draw inward. It is the time that naturally brings on those moods that don’t feel so good. It is natural that this can happen at this time of year. However, you don’t need to fall into the trap of overwhelm and depression. There are two things you can do that will help you to stay active, vibrant, healthy and emotionally stable: eat well & work out. The good part is that it is the time of the harvest, when we get all those wonderful foods, lots of apples, squashes, more hardy foods. And it is time for celebrations. The best way to stay healthy with food is to eat foods grown locally and in season. Gone will be all the lighter, more watery foods of Summer. The more ‘watery’ a food is, the more cooling effect it has on our bodies, thus these foods are abundant in Summer. As it gets cooler, we will need to conserve heat. You can do that with eating the proper foods for this season.

In addition to eating, working out—moving your body to make your heart beat faster and make you sweat—has been proven to reduce depressive moods in many many people. Endorphins make us feel really good. They are produced when we move our bodies to break a sweat. Research has proven this over and over and over.

“25 Studies Confirm: Exercise Prevents Depression”

“How many studies does it take to convince you that moderate exercise will make you happier? If you need one more reason to start being more physically active, professors from the University of Toronto have compiled and analyzed over 26 years’ worth of scientific research which concludes that even moderate levels of physical activity—like walking for 20-30 minutes a day—can ward off depression in people of all ages.” —Christopher Bergland, from an article he wrote for Psychology Today titled, “The Athlete’s Way.”

If you fall into the category of people who often feel ‘down’ during the Fall months (Seasonal Affective Disorder: S.A.D.), then you know what to do. If you’re not sure, contact me.

And thanks for checking out the new website!