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Fathers and Outdated Beliefs

June 16, 2019 by Clara E Minor Leave a Comment

child martial artist self-defense moves

Conditioning goes very deep...

A few weeks ago I read about one of our political figures, and how his behavior towards women was tolerated as ‘it’s just what it is…he always does that. He means no harm.’

And what was brought to light is that sometimes he would say things about women to men (among several other reported inappropriate behaviors), that assumed that men needed to ‘take care of the women in their lives’ because obviously the women were ‘so beautiful’ that other men would descend upon these beautiful, helpless women. And someone needed to protect the women—that would be the big ‘bad’ burly men in their lives.

As I read the article, I made the realization that conditioning goes very very deep, and sometimes we (me) are unaware of it, until a light goes off.

So a light went off. A HUGE light! (Yes, I was sitting here—stunned at myself.)

I have often seen photos of my friend’s kids on Facebook. It is always the little girls, young girls, and teens, that people make the most comments about. I found myself thinking the same thoughts as this political figure (!!!).

Yep, I too was conditioned, as a child, to think that men were needed in order to take care of girls and women. And that was why you married a man. He was supposed to ‘take care of you.’ And never even a consideration or mention if you happened to be non-straight. It was just assumed that women married men and men married women. (Again, conditioning).

And if you were a woman, of course, you were to provide ‘the man’ all the comforts of home, and he had a right to have sex when ever he wanted—(of course this one never fit for me…lol), and neither did the home stuff. And I learned to take care of myself too. I learned to fight in my 20’s. I wanted to be able to defend myself. I wasn’t interested in competition, tournaments, the ring, etc., although I did a small amount of competition because my teachers thought it would be a good idea. Never really interested me. And that is another story for another time.

Thus, why would I still have this deep belief about women needing men to protect us? I lived my life independently, even when I had a male partner. I never followed the norms set forth for women by old-school thinkers. This is California after all. And the West Coast to boot! We are independent women, coming out of the 60’s movement of freeing ourselves from all the constraints of society. Making our own rules. Living the lives we want to live.

And here I am (and have been my entire adult life), teaching self-defense, teaching women to stand up for ourselves, to be strong, we-can-take-care-of-ourselves-thank you very much, and basically being our own badass bosses of our lives. Why in the world did I think that young girls would need protection from their dads and other men in their lives? WHOA!

Did I really believe this? Where was this coming from? This reaction came so quick and automatic. Trying to be funny? Saying what others thought? Speaking as if I was clueless about women’s empowerment, and girls power? I responded that way on FB a couple times, but even two times is too much. It shows that somewhere I still held this old outdated belief. But where?! It came from a place of wanting to say that these young girls and women were cute, beautiful, or whatever, and I suppose attempting to be funny on some level.

Not funny. At all. I failed girls and women both of these times. I did. Many others might not see this, or realize it. I do. I see it—failure, and I own it.

Instead, I should have said, ‘she better learn how to fight.’ Why, because it is a way of thinking and being in the world. I was saying things that were defeating to women’s power and girls power. How dare I?! How dare I?!! Yes, that is conditioning. I was so conditioned to think this way from the time I was a little girl. It was deep in my subconscious. Now, it’s no excuse.

I’m telling you this because everyone has room for improvement, continuously. When someone says to me “I’m not racist” or “I’m not homophobic” or “I’m not…xyz,” I automatically say to myself, yes you are. Now I will also have to add, ‘and let me check in.’ What’s there? What’s really there? How deep am I willing to see.

Contact me if you want to have a closer glimpse of how I can help you transform your beliefs about your own strength, power, and confidence to be who you want to me in this world.

Sincerely,

Clara E Minor
Master Trainer-Instructor
MINORSAN Self-Defense & Fitness
831.458.9899

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Self-Care-Self-Love

February 1, 2016 by Clara E Minor Leave a Comment

Self Care Self LoveCaring and Loving Self

We’ve all head this over and over. Love yourself. Self-care-self-love...that could mean a lot of things, as everyone is so different, yet we are the same. I truly believe that everyone wants and needs love. It starts with our ‘self.’

Our families and our friends can bring us great joy. They can also drain us if we allow it. We have the power and the control to shape our lives. Grab the reins and guide yourself in a new direction if you know this will help you. Stay focused. Stay determined. Be courageous.

You are in the driver’s seat and you always have been, even though you sometimes let others navigate your life for you. It's ok if you don't know where you are going to have a navigator. When you know where you are going, take control. Do something for you. Here are some ideas to spark your own creativity:

1. sitting quietly

2. meditation

3. going for a walk (with friends, or alone)

4. reading

5. enjoying a glass of wine

6. massage

7. exercise (w/group or alone)

8. get a facial/pampering at spa

9. mani-pedi

10. breathe deep in a quiet place (or even in your car!)

11. go to the ocean and walk the beach

12. sit among the redwoods

13. bike ride along the cliffs, thru the trees

14. go for a jog

15. clear a space just for you in your home/yard

16. sit and watch a fun movie

17. go out with a friend (lunch, movie, walk, tea)

18. meet just to talk

19. do something to make you laugh (movie, show, audio)

20. take a full day to be alone and do what pleases you

21. say ‘no’ when you feel over-extended

22. take a class/course (anything) to help your inner game

23. choose to eat better (even do it for one day)

24. start a new project that you totally enjoy

25. call someone you haven’t talked to in a long time

26. take a long soothing bath

27. light some scented candles

28. sleep during the day

29. ask someone to be with your kids for a few hours/a day

30. start painting, or drawing, or photography

31. start a journal (this becomes your autobiography. yes, your life matters)

32. put on gentle music and let it waft thru you

33. put on loud music and dance your heart out

34. say 'no' to more requests of your time

35. go to the library and discover a new old book

36. show someone love in a small way (you will reap the rewards)

37. take a yoga class

38. do something wild

39. go to bed earlier

40. drink a healthy, nourishing liquid

41. get needed bodywork (chiro, acupuncture, etc)

42. use organic scents (diffuser w/essential oils) to change your mood

43. learn a new handiwork (build something, make something you have never made before)

44. no electronics for a day

45. schedule a counseling session (or therapy) and go!

46. get more social (go to an event, especially if you always avoid them)

47. think about something good...and smile

48. write down everything that you would love to do, then pick one and start right away

49. find new ways of doing the same thing (w/food, new route to work, new path on your walk/jog/ride, reading outside if you always read inside)

50. bake/cook something with a friend

51. go to a place of worship (find what resonates for you)

52. dream about what could be; then take action

Use your creativity to come up with other ideas (did I forget shopping?!)

For many of us, the best self-care is to truly stop, do nothing and sit in silence—breathing deep.

This allows the body to decompress. If you are constantly running around crazy, this is the best medicine. Might be time to stand up for your needs. Ask someone to support and help you. Take care of what really matters. Let the rest go.

See you in town, at an event, or in class!

To your Health and Well-Being, have a Happy Love Month!

Clara

Clara E Minor, Master Instructor/Trainer, is owner of MINORSAN Self-Defense & Fitness. You may contact her here. She will help you find your #badasscourage if you are ready.

Filed Under: Fitness & Health, Martial Arts/Self-Defense, Uncategorized Tagged With: martial arts, martial arts classes, self -esteem, self worth, self-care, self-confidence, self-defense, self-love

Tabata 2-yr Anniversary Celebration Week!

December 6, 2015 by Clara E Minor Leave a Comment

Here is all the info on our Tabata 2-yr Anniversary Celebration Week. Someone will WIN a Tabata Bootcamp at 50% off! Someone will WIN a #badasscourage tank. It could be you. You’ll also have the three opportunities in one week to check out these 30-minute workouts for FREE. We’ll answer all your questions, and you can also pre-purchase a Bootcamp for use in 2016, at 2015 prices before they expire on December 31, 2015. Remember these workouts are progressive, so they are doable for almost everyone. Refreshments will be served, as well as providing free Holiday goodie recipes.

tabata_celebration.12.15'For your specific questions, call us at 831-458-0900, or contact us here.

Sincerely,

Clara & The Crew

of Team MINORSAN

 

Filed Under: Fitness & Health, Martial Arts/Self-Defense, News, Uncategorized Tagged With: bootcamp, courage, fight for life, fitness classes, life success, Santa Cruz California, self -esteem, self worth, self-confidence, success, Tabata, Tabata Bootcamp, weight loss

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